Loving an engaged, workaholic and moody person is plainly suicidal.
You cannot demand. You have to understand. You should learn how to adjust. You should know where to stand. After all, you are just the "other woman." Someone who rarely gets a happy ending. That's a terrible truth. Being one is really sickening. I, myself welcomed the pain that it gave me no time for myself. It pains so much. It's something traumatic.
Well, I was just in one of my usual Monday mornings scanning different pages online when I suddenly bumped into this message.
"Don't let anyone have the satisfaction of knowing that you will always be there waiting."
So timely.
....
A friend asked me one time, how am I doing. I had a struggle coming up with words to exactly tell how am I feeling lately. That's a wow. I just noticed that I'm acting so differently recently. I just realized that I hate it when people ask me how am I doing. Maybe because I don't know how will i respond. I don't know what to say,and I don't exactly know what is going on. Everything within me has been messed up. I lost myself after the other half of me left. I feel so weak, I feel so hurt. I feel so pathetic and worst, I am not doing anything about it. I want misery to consume me for the nth time until I feel the numbness and until I crave for rest. After all, life is indeed messy at times.
I miss myself. I miss him. I miss everything.
That's all i know for certain now. I want him back. I honestly do. I miss how he cares, how he makes me smile, his hugs, his kisses, the conversations we had until we fell asleep and all those stupid things we've shared. I badly wanted to be with him. I tried to behave in such a way that I could bring him back, but as of yet, I think I failed. Things can be fixed, though. And I firmly believe that it hasn't ended yet if things aren't okey yet. But it's hard. It's extremely hard. Little by little I am giving up. Little by little I am accepting things. But little by little, things pop up and I found myself again holding on.
I don't have any idea how far can I still go, how long can I still hold on. I cannot say for certain yet my plans. I don't want to close doors either. I am waiting for something positive to happen. I know it surely will.
You cannot demand. You have to understand. You should learn how to adjust. You should know where to stand. After all, you are just the "other woman." Someone who rarely gets a happy ending. That's a terrible truth. Being one is really sickening. I, myself welcomed the pain that it gave me no time for myself. It pains so much. It's something traumatic.
Well, I was just in one of my usual Monday mornings scanning different pages online when I suddenly bumped into this message.
"Don't let anyone have the satisfaction of knowing that you will always be there waiting."
So timely.
....
A friend asked me one time, how am I doing. I had a struggle coming up with words to exactly tell how am I feeling lately. That's a wow. I just noticed that I'm acting so differently recently. I just realized that I hate it when people ask me how am I doing. Maybe because I don't know how will i respond. I don't know what to say,and I don't exactly know what is going on. Everything within me has been messed up. I lost myself after the other half of me left. I feel so weak, I feel so hurt. I feel so pathetic and worst, I am not doing anything about it. I want misery to consume me for the nth time until I feel the numbness and until I crave for rest. After all, life is indeed messy at times.
I miss myself. I miss him. I miss everything.
That's all i know for certain now. I want him back. I honestly do. I miss how he cares, how he makes me smile, his hugs, his kisses, the conversations we had until we fell asleep and all those stupid things we've shared. I badly wanted to be with him. I tried to behave in such a way that I could bring him back, but as of yet, I think I failed. Things can be fixed, though. And I firmly believe that it hasn't ended yet if things aren't okey yet. But it's hard. It's extremely hard. Little by little I am giving up. Little by little I am accepting things. But little by little, things pop up and I found myself again holding on.
I don't have any idea how far can I still go, how long can I still hold on. I cannot say for certain yet my plans. I don't want to close doors either. I am waiting for something positive to happen. I know it surely will.
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