pathetic fool

i am faceless,unwanted,unloved and abandoned single lady.this is how i am feeling right this very moment.i wanted to shout cause i know it will be a relief to say it loud and admit it.yes,i admit that i am in love with a guy who is taboo.forbidden.i wanted to move on.let go.anyway, i know it will not take too long for that love to die.loving him discreetly is plain stupid.indeed.

it's so nice having an objective person to talk to sometimes and someone you can hang on in times of crisis.i am craving for one.in times like this,i am dying inside to see my friends and chat with them over coffee.anyway,they have always been the persons i completely confide with,we are confidantes ever since.

someone is wasting his/her time posting comments here in my blog.just last time,there was an encouragement for me to tell that guy everything.but it's seems that it's a door that i refused to open.i am not valiant enough to do that.and i hate to be rejected.i am aching to see him,aching to see them.i am feeling ache in my heart just seeing how he loves her.it hurts so damn much.

"a day is long but week is a lot more longer"

this will be another week.and it's good to know that i'll be on a VL for three days plus two-day off.cool.i need this.i badly need this.

random things about me.

random things at it's best...

-i am bipolar.i admit.

-my friends at school used to call me xanne while people at my workplace used to call me roxie.. (there are differences and these two different names equate to two different personalities.by the way,i appreciate all those people calling me xanne,thanks!)

-i so love listening to music.music is my addiction.and i so love my mobile for tolerating me in such.

-i always make sure that my time is being occupied.being a fresh college graduate,i learned to love reading books.maybe due to boredom too that i almost think of committing suicide.haha.something new.

-i love blog hopping,reading minds of people thru their words.

-i am shopaholic.certified.during my offs,if i am financially capable,i make it a point that i'll be spending my time shopping.buying things that i like.oopps!of course i need.

-i enjoy sleeping and eating.we all do,right?but i do love it a lot more than others do.

-i like dipping fries to chocolate sundae.. (try it.feels like heaven!)

-i am so vain!but not narcissistic.mirror is one thing that i can't last day without it.

-i love looking myself at the mirror and making sure that i look presentable enough.

-i am a washroom addict too.during breaks,pre or post shift.

-i am possesive.be it with friends or partners.pag akin,akin lang.haha..

-i so love wrting.i know i'll be a film writer someday.i'll be one of the sought after film writers in the film industry.

-i want to learn doing house chores.hindi ako marunong magsaing.cooking is one thing that i am dying to learn.

-i am not sweet.i hate being one.parang plastic kase.haha...

-never did i have pedicures and manicures at salon.i do it all by myself.

-i am funsize!

-my hair is dry.but it feels good that i still look good.haha..i am not narcissistic.does it show?

-at times i want to be alone,and you'll notice that if i am not talking.me and my music,all alone.

-i'm a die hard photographer.given the chance,i'll surely take that course and surpass in such field.capturing moments in it's most creative shot is very much fulfilling.

-movies.movies.movies.pinapatulan ko lahat ng vcd and dvd sa bahay when i don't have any other things to do... when i watch,i make sure that i have a dictionary or atleast a thesaurus beside me,also when i read i do that.widening my vocabulary.

-i can take a bath for 10 mins.nung one time na nasa shoot kame,seven mins was given for us to take a bath,kaya mo yun?

-i do some routines when i am inside the bathroom.something private!haha!

-i never had my own room eversince.and so i don't have the idea on how it feels to sleep alone.

-i love skirts!i feel great when i wear it.

-i hate people who take advantage.pretending to befriend but has hidden agendas.tskstk.

-i am not comfortable wearing rubbershoes maybe because it's hard to find one with heels what you think?

-i love tshirt and jeans.so,so comfortable.

-ayoko ng ginagaya ang style ko,be it with the way i dress or the way i talk.have your own style!

-i am a fan of john llyod cruz.i am inlove with that guy forever!

-when i watch foreign films,i used not to mind the actors.i mind the flow of the film.

-i am poor in playing volleyball but i do well playing badminton and table tennis.just like i am poor in singing but a i know a little how to dance.

-i maybe a poor singer but i so love singing!

-i am ten years older than our youngest by i guess she happens to be more than ten centimeters taller than me.

-when i am home,i am home.(read between those words)

-i've always been a working student eversince and so it feels unusual not to be busy after graduating last May.

-i've always been linked to different guys but unfortunately we always end up nothing.

-i only had two boyfriends eversince,i had my first relationship when i was in first year college.

-when i started working in a call center,whenever i am at home i used to babytalk..don't have any idea why.

-i have tumor.discovered two years ago but still haven't let a doctor checked it yet.leave it to me!

-i have lots of sandals but i opted to use the one i bought from elegance..i so like it!

-i so love math but i took up communication course when i was in college.

-i love to travel.WANDERLUST!

-i don't have any province and so i am toxic being a pure manila lady.

-how can i forget that i so love cats?i have four but my fave one died last May 14..haist.

-we also have two chickens at home,si tonton and nenok..cool...

-i so hate ipis!sobra!i used to include that in my prayers before.. na sana walang gumapang na ipis sa akin... haha!

-i had my first mobile phone when i was in first year college... binili ko using my allowance from my scholarship.

-i am emotional and over sensitive.

-paranoia is something that i am trying to really, really avoid.

-i have been a class secretary before but for some reasons i have a very poor handwriting now.

-i so love halayang ube.miss it

-i have a distorted figure and so i decided to work out.

-i already found the man that i'm gonna marry.and i know i will.

remorseful

how would you tell someone that you love him when you used to ignore him at first?how would you tell him that you have fallen when he is already committed to someone and with all due to respect to their relationship you are hindered to do so?how would you tell someone that you love him when it seems he's no longer into you?how will you respond to such situation?

i'm dead.and i guess it's my bad.

this week has been so,so tiring.indeed tiring.given the fact that it gets tougher and tougher dealing with texans and all the complaints they have every second of the call,i get so weak with everything that's happening to me.i am emotionally getting really,really tired.i feel like I AM BEATEN THAT EVERY INCH OF ME ACHED,literally and figuratively.i almost get distraught.everyday i feel like i am depreciated for some reasons.weary.but out of respect for my friends,thanks for making my day as easy as possible.it didn't occur to me sharing every thought to all of you guys but atleast let me know you that you're appreciated.

i'm confused.as if i am stuck in crossroads,indecisive which road to take.the more i think,the more confused i get.and it sucks.you don't always have to go with the flow.there's no assurance in such.you might lose at the end.due to life unpredictability,we have to think.we always have to think how to respond on situations that requires deep thinking for you to surmount such without regrets at the latter part of the game.they say that giving up is no other like than losing.like giving up is always tantamount to losing the game of a life.but when can you say that it isn't time to give up yet?when can you say that you still have to fight?oh well.maybe it will always gonna be a case to case basis.like,every rule has it's own exemptions.i guess.that might be right.oh.distressing.

my bad.how pathetic.

knowing anonymous...

who's anonymous?
any idea guys?
who the hell is leaving a comment regarding my posted blogs?

forlorn

i am unhappy. i am regretful.and i hate it.

tagged-mishap!

it's almost ten o'clock and i am supposed to be sleeping by this time (ahm,during weekends only,oh well,it's the sought after "off")but here am i doing this stuff in spite of the "huggardness" me and my sister had this afternoon.honestly,i almost fell asleep inside gateway's movie house.oh!by the way,huggardness is my own term,slang word that me and my block mates invented years ago,so don't be bothered about that.

i just only have one reason why i am so eager and agitated to have a very unlucky incident,might be considered contretemps posted here.i honestly don't want to believe,but unluckily it was true.it indeed happened.

http://www.gmanews.tv/story/162592/12-killed-as-motor-ferry-sinks-off-Verde-Island

12 killed as motor ferry sinks off Verde Island

05/23/2009 | 04:16 PM

(Update) MANILA, Philippines - Twelve people, including 3 children and a Japanese tourist, were killed after a large motorized outrigger capsized near Mindoro Island on Saturday, the Philippine National Police (PNP) said.

Chief Supt. Luisito Palmera, police chief for Region 4B (Mimaropa), said in a text message to reporters in Manila that the MB Commando 6 sank at about noon near Verde Island, 85 miles (135 kilometers) south of Manila.

Palmera said the boat sank when one of its outriggers broke.

The Coast Guard in Manila says there were 57 survivors, including five crew members.

As of 3:59 pm, the last count of fatalities was 12, including two young boys and one young girl, seven adult women and adult men, said Palmera. He said one of the dead victims was a Japanese tourist.

He said the victims were identified by rescuers as:

1. Franco P. Eugenio, 3 years old, White Plains, Quezon City;
2. Anton Cruz Eugenio, 2, White Plains, Quezon City;
3. Gregonia C. Pabliko, 58, Sta Cruz, Manila;
4. Albino Pablico, 55, Sta Cruz, Manila;
5. Beta Berdin, 2, Sta Mesa, Manila;
6. Melanie Berdin, 30, Sta Mesa, Manila;
7. Desiree Teodoro, 20, Taytay, Rizal;
8. Joena Perez, 25, Batangas;
9. Yaya Tess, age unknown;
10. Nina Ricci Cads, Binangonan, Rizal;
11. Daisy Eugenio, Quezon City; and
12. Hosotani Shoji, a Japanese tourist.

Palmera said the boat left Batangas City pier for the tourist resort town of Puerto Galera in Mindoro Oriental before the accident.

Not long after the boat left, it sent out a distress call.

Responding rescuers took some of the injured to nearby hospitals but one child was declared dead on arrival by an attending physician, Dr. Rosse Villaruel, at the Puerto Galera Muncipal Health Center.

Five passengers are presently undergoing medical treatment at the same center, Palmera said.

Commodore Cecil Chen, Coast Guard commander for Southern Luzon, cited sketchy initial reports saying the ferry sank despite good weather.

"Maganda naman ang panahon. Bago siya nakarating may problema siguro kaya lumubog (The weather was fine. But before it could reach its destination it sank)," CHen told dzBB radio. He said they are still determining the cause of the sinking. - With Kimberly Jane T. Tan, GMANews.TV

*************************************************************************************

the news was actually aired last night at SAKSI and TV Patrol World.i was asleep and was awakened by the alarming message alert tone of my mobile phone.

"Nina Cads died in accident today at Puerto Galera.The boat was hit with big waves and it flipped over.She was declared dead on arrival by the doctor around 3:25pm.She was TC Mae Benitez during that time.It was TC Mae's teambldg and 6 agents joined the activity.We have a total of 8 participants 2 of which were Mae and Nina.All of them survived except Nina.We are now coordinating with the local authorities regarding the transport of her body.I have already informed Boss JP and Boss JC.Bodge already informed Nina's family.I already spoke with Nina's father regarding the travel details.Please cascade to your team and let's offer a prayer for Nina's soul.May she rest in peace."

it actually didn't occur to me that it was true. i was scrolling the message down just to prove that this was just one of the none sense messages being passed and forwarded by people who,let's admit,got nothing more to do.but unfortunately,this was not one of those.it a serious thing.something that one can never joke of.

Yes, Nina Cads is the same person highlighted in the aformentioned list of the victims of the said incident.initial reaction?SHOCKED.i was shocked.enormous shock.it was sudden.i admit,i was never close to this person but considering what happened,and how it happened really saddened me.it did.honestly until this very lat minute that i am doing this blog,i am still in the "state of shock."it's just like you were just speaking to a person and just right after you turned your back at him,a car crashed and that person died.traumatic.tragic.it was indeed an awful experience.it brought a lasting fear to all those people who joined the activity as well to all those people affected by this accident.it's a trauma none of them would forget and recover quickly.

i,personally and honestly speaking wanted to put all the blame to the management in line with the reason pointed as of the moment by media - OVERLOADING OF PASSENGERS.i wanted to know why they let it happen,why the security of the passengers was not good enough?what security do they have?is there any?if yes then why they were not able to secure the lives of these passengers?how many more lives are they about to loss?i'll stand corrected but this will not be the first time that this incident occured.lots,lots of questions.but none of us,none of them for sure wished for this to happen.NO ONE.

incidents like this led to realization that life is very much unpredictable.we can never tell what will happen,what comes next,what's the real plan or basically what lies ahead.it's full of surprises no one can ever predict of.so,it might sound idealistic but we have to make the best out of it.we don't have any assurance how far can we go,how many days we still have or how long our journey could be.everything in life seems to be very,very unpredictable.amazing.if only we can stay alive,if only... but things like this are very INEVITABLE.

may she,and all of the other victims rest in peace.

lunatic.fragile.bitch

yeah.i almost got crazy.it was very tiring.not just physically,but emotionally and psychologically as well.seven days had passed,but a lot of things had happened.a lot of realizations.a lot of worries.i don't even know how to put all of those in words.i honestly don't know how the week started.worst,i don't know that it ended until i found myself doing this stuff.just an indication that it's my time to think things over once again.yeah,this week is over.and oh!what a week it has been.

work matters-





i have been with the company i am currently working for one year, one month and 13 days to be exact.that's 408 days.quite long,right?but no progress.oh well,shall being the number one team out of 40 teams the account has could be something that i myself can be proud of?i guess.but hey,that's not everything that i can be.this is not the life i am aiming to have.and i don't want to limit myself and completely indulge in such.i hate it.i honestly do.

i hate a routinary life.everybody does,i guess.
i am getting tired dealing with (excuse me for the term) stupid texans.oh!pity them.really.
i hate the environment.the workplace.
i hate the way employees are being treated.
i hate the political system that it has.
i hate it.i just do.

but on the other side,probably the reason why i am still with the company and finally learned to value my work will be because -

i love the people i work with.
*just a few of them, i repeat,just a few of them*

school matters-



i missed being in the academe.
i missed being "simpleng mag-aaral"
i missed the feeling it brings whenever i wake up and heavy rain is pouring that you are just waiting for information dissemination that "hey!classes have been suspended today!"
i missed the food trip at night whenever our classes would end.
i missed chatting with people that showed me the real meaning of friendship.
i missed being with people who i know accepted and valued me for who am i.
i missed everything about being a student.
and this is something that is ironic.


family matters -



issue of the week i guess.
THANKFUL.VERY MUCH.
that's all i can say.

heart matters -




he won my heart.
he was, and he'll forever does.


****************************************************************************

i honestly don't know why amidst the deep thinking i came up with such.
random.
might be senseless.
i had a hard time putting all those in words.
and so i limited it.
two,three words are enough.safe.

i am lunatic.
i am fragile.
i am bitch,and
i love myself for that.

potch (november 24, 2008 - may 14, 2009)

you will be missed...

enraptured

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." -- Winston Churchill

this was stated by Hon. Carlito Puno during his speech amidst the graduation ceremony.
i never thought of feeling what i have felt last year end graduation.i never knew that would be as special as it turned out to be.sa pagtawag ng pangalan ko kasabay ng pag-akyat sa entablado at buong galak na pagkuha ng diploma was the feeling that i am unable to put in words.really,great things are very much hard to define.four years of being a working student was never really easy.believe me, it will never be.and to think that i,myself did that,it was indeed amazing.really amazing.

on the other hand,the said event saddened me a lot.right after the graduation ceremony was the traditional group messaging of goodbyes.one thing that i never thought of doing so.but i can never assure myself of that.

everything that had happened for the last four years is PRICELESS...
priceless people...
undefinable experience..

kudos 4-3... we will see everyone around...

featured.

i don't have any featured friend recently, but there was a time that i featured only one... know him..

1. What's his/her full name?

► Jessie G. Villabrille

2. Does he or she has a boyfriend/girlfirend?

► i think so... i really don't know...

3. Do you know a secret about him/her?

► i figured out one of his secrets..and i did accept him for that..wholeheartedly...

4. Is this person older than you?

♥ no, i wish..

5. Has he/she ever cooked for you?

► not yet, never.. maybe in our future...

6. When & where was the last time you saw him/her?

► the last time?wait.. i think that was last monday.. yeah right.. we had our lunch together.. may mga alipores lang akong kasama.. haha

7. Do you have a nickname for each other?

► i don't know with him but i learned to call him jaiho.. haven't heard?

8. How many times do you talk to this person in a week?

► kung pede sumagot ng none or zero, that would describe the frequency of our conversation i guess..

9. Why is this person your number ONE?

► just for some reasons...

10. How long have you known this person?

► known?first year college

11. Have you ever been to the mall with this person?

► groupdate.. lague akong may alipores na kasama.. haha..

12. Have you ever watched movies at his/her place?

► not yet.. i have never been there.. siguro kapag namanhikan na ako at ang pamilya ko.. haha..

13. If you ever moved away would you miss this person? Why?

► surprisingly YES...

14. Have you ever given this person something?

► umum.. letters.. and i think i bought him a stuff toy.. the little one that reminds me of him the most...

15. Have you ever done something really stupid with this person?

► yeah.. and that's where it all started...

16. What is it that you love doing with this person?

► talk.. sana one time magawa rin namen yun..

17. Do you know everything about this person?

► no.. and i never wish to know everything about him..

18. Do you know this person's shoe size?

►5 yata??

19. Have you ever worn this person's clothes?

► not yet.. gusto mo ba?

20. Have you ever heard this person sing?

► yeah.. hilig nya kse yun.. kahit most of the time.. sablay...

21. Have you and this person ever had a fight that lasted more than 2 days?

► usual thing na sa amin ang hindi magkibuan for a week.. or a month.. but we do know that we are ok in spite of that..

22. Have you and this person went clubbing?

► not yet.. never in my plan..

23. Do you know what makes this person feel happy?

► outburst everything!

24. Do you and this person talk a lot?

► you wish..

25. Have you kicked this person?

► wala pa akong lakas ng loob para gawin yun..

26. Has this person yelled at you?

► yung bulong nya kse, minsan yelled na.. so how's that?

27. Do you love this person?

► i surely do..

28. Do you want to be with him/her forever?

► given a chance?i guess..

just a little girl - stephen speaks

She's always tryin' to be
some independent girl who is never in need
But 20 years in this town
she still relys on me to find her way around

because she's just a little girl - time isn't holding her down
she's just a little girl - she never needed a crown
she just wants somebody around
who won't laugh when she laughs too loud
she just wants somebody to see
she's just a little girl

when i think too much
the voices in my head are silenced by her touch
she hates bein alone
and babytalks to me when we're on the phone

because she's just a little girl - time isn't holding her down
she's just a little girl - she never needed a crown
she just wants somebody around
who won't laugh when she laughs too loud
she just wants somebody to see
she's just a little girl

in a world that moves too fast
she's afraid she'll never last
but if she holds the faith of a child
she'll be alright... she'll be alright

because she's just a little girl - time isn't holding her down
she's just a little girl - she never needed a crown
she just wants somebody around
who won't laugh when she laughs too loud
she just wants somebody to see
she's just a little girl

passion.

i just tried answering the survey.. look what i've got..

Writing

You're always dreaming up random scenes, making up characters etc. Its time you put them together and on paper!

complicated.

things are getting very much complicated.and i so hate it.