out of my league.

lost.

i need to find myself again.

i should.

i could.

and yes, i would.

rest.

take it easy.

give time, time.

a cup of coffee and a sensible person will be enough.

calling.

i was having a chat with a friend i haven't seen for some months yesterday when i came to a realization that i wanted something new in my life.it was amidst the exchanging of own stories when i have thought of getting a part time job not merely for extra income rather some sort of diversion.i was startled by the fact that it appeared to be an interesting thing for me.

i like to teach.

my mom was surprised when i got to tell her that early this morning over breakfast.she never anticipated that due to the fact that i had hated being with kids before.yeah,kids.i prefer to teach those preschoolers instead of having English tutorial to Korean students who were trying very hard yet still fail,no offense meant.

i am in search,and i have to make the searching process quick right before the momentum is over.wish me luck!.. :)

over and over again.

no matter how great a day has been,it will certainly have its own sunset. - cliche as it sounds but definitely true.

i just had a good time for the first two weeks of the so called love month.i could have stayed at that moment much longer or say forever.i won't be enumerating the positive events that had happened,lets just say that it has been good lately.believe me,it did.funny cause really things are getting better and better but ironically i really feel like crying and whining now.haha.i honestly don't have any ideas why though.i ain't sad,i have nothing in mind right now but maybe i just got up really sentimental today.lets see.

no pain,no gain.

life is messy sometimes.and yes,my life is messy now.it has been screwed up, and yeah, mainly because i allowed it to happen.things can be fixed,hell right.but as of yet i can't say for certain until when I'll be on the same pathetic status though i know how and when to start getting up and moving on.i am just not on the right track yet and i haven't started doing so.maybe,i am just a certified masochist who used to crave for pain most of the time.sigh.

crap.just when i thought it's all over,just when i assumed i am already doing good,i suddenly bumped into the reality that i am not and that i have never been.not yet.i have seen myself in the same picture,over and over again.yeah.i have loved completely and i know for a fact that it wouldn't be that easy for me to get okay that quick.it isn't like a piece of cake.it will never gonna be.it will always leave a permanent mark in me,sure thing.nevertheless,nothing can be that easy.oh well,allow me to face the aftermath all by myself.i can manage.i always can..:)

but,what if?..

what if someone shouted "CUT" and the scene is finally over?
what if it isn't this way?
what if it has been the other way around?
what if things have been better for us?

bullshit.how i wish that life functions just exactly the same how some of the computer processes work.we simply -

-undo
-redo
-delete
-or what have you.

but it's not.it didn't,it doesn't and it will never ever be.heart wrenching,indeed.

moving forward,i have to wake up and face what reality has to offer.thanks for the good memories,i won't let go too soon but i won't hang on for too long.as they say,as we grow,we learn more.i hope i am.anyway,everything in life is impermanent,this too shall pass so why cling to things then?i have been tough and i know for a fact that's all i have to be.what else is new?but life has much more to offer.life is indeed full of surprises.best is always yet to come so live to the fullest!

last chance.

last chance.let me have my last dance with you.

-have you ever lost someone you loved and wanted one more conversation,one more chance to make up for the time that you thought they will be with you forever?funny it seems but hell right, i did.fool.bloody fool.how stupid am i of not anticipating that in this damn world,we win some,yet we lose some.as they normally quote when someone gets broken,in every successful love story,someone will certainly cry.sad part is,i used to experience the latter.i am blown to bits.

i have been aching for a long time now, and yet i opted to feel and savor the misery and pain until hopefully, it's completely gone.well,it would really require much effort,much strength.as a matter of fact, crying, which has been a sort of relief, has been habitual for me now.a day won't last without those tears running down on my cheeks as though they had life of their own.i cannot really elaborate how hell am i going through but all i know is the fucking truth that i am so down.i am really down.and all i am waiting right now,is for this damn feeling to abate by merely accepting that good things don't last most of the time.in the long run,i am really hoping that this anyhow has been a good turn for the two of us.what really matters at the end is that we have loved,i have loved.

"three words,eight letters,say it and I'm yours," - Blair (gossip girl)

never in those every minute we had shared he verbally affirm what he was feeling to me.i longed for it i guess for four months but i failed to hear him saying that.and just when i haven't expected such,out of nowhere i finally heard him saying 'hey,i love you,'.what would you expect from me,then?startled.

moving forward,nothing in this life has been coincidental.everything that happens,happens with reasons we may not be able to figure out upfront.misfortunes take place just like a bullet which doesn't give a damn who they kill.we just have to get used to life's own rhythm until we get its beat and be able to gracefully dance with it.