an ordeal.

roads were gone..


..streets were filled with massive flood..


.. a month's rainfall that fell in just nine hours..


..for most of us,it was indeed a plight.

Inexplicably,these scenes were taken in real life.Much like from a movie that everyone hoped and wished someone from above will shout CUT,and it's all over,but sadly there was none,no one.

much has been posted,disseminated and communicated about this particular ordeal that hit our country.the aftermath are all heart-wrenching.it left a permanent mark in the heart and mind of every Filipino.

i had a shift the night Ondoy,(Ketsana,as the international name) initially hit Central part of Luzon.that was Friday shift but since my time was 3am it was then technically Saturday morning.I woke up around 1am and noticed that yes,heavy rain was pouring.I thought it was just like any other typhoons we had but when i started walking down our street and waited for a cab, i started to feel something unusual.Our workplace happens to be located at the top floor of Market!Market! and it was usual to hear it when it's raining.I admit,suceeding hours passed by ordinarily inside our office until it was around 11am.I started receiving texts from my family how flooded our area was,same thing with other officemates how had left earlier than my time.I texted my stepdad and asked if he can possibly fetch me for a more convenient travel time however he responded that he wasn't able to drive in the first place due to such deluge in most areas in Pasig.I wasn't thinking of a much worse scenario until my officemates and I decided to try going home,and there it was.stranded people,and we were one of them.with that scenario,i wasn't really sure if i'll be able to get home that day.it was really a good thing that one of the team captains offered help.he drove us until we reached Pasig Church.roads were indeed covered by flood,people were scattered everywhere and traffic didn't lose its place.i was out of work at 12noon that day and yes,fortunately,given that scenario i was still able to get home just four hours after.we had no service,no internet connection and no access to network.that was NOTHING,indeed nothing compared to the traumatic experiences that most Filipinos in Marikina and Cainta had.I, my family were still lucky but still,i fret.The aftermath is really hideous.no one was exempted.

That was not enough for me to know how hard most of the Filipinos had suffered.I just heard stories being told but i still wanted to see it with my own two eyes.And that was granted when I watched The Correspondents that Tuesday night.Every video clip was really sickening most especially when i saw the video of the bedraggled kids.I honestly felt like crying.Admittedly,i started to fear that doomsday do exist.But i still hope it doesn't.

As of September 30th,number of death rised to 246 as Pepeng,(Parma,as the international name)nears our area of responsibility.We haven't been through yet but two other typhoons are making its way to us.Worst,the said figures are still expected to go up most especially when the SEARCH and RESCUE operation ended up to be SEARCH and RETRIEVAL only.Rescue operation were deployed but for some it was already late.It was such a pathetic scene and very much ungodly but surprisingly,the idea of quitting didn't occur to these people.

"Get in line!" - barked at the hungry hordes.

With the relief operation being conducted by the two largest network in our country we are starting to recuperate.It was great that a lot of us practiced volunteerism this time.Tiring though but the beatific smile on the victims face is enough to feel that it's indeed fulfilling and brought real happiness we ever known.

That must be a wake up call from our mother nature that we need to keep in mind.It was such a nightmare.traumatic that we almost felt like we were hapless.But amid the chaos of the flood disaster,we,very Filipino will rise and start all over again.

recuperating.

it's not over until it's over.i have been recuperating in a lot after all the unlikely events that happened lately.

for one,it's been eleven days now after the excision.i thought that was the most difficult part but i was sadly mistaken.it's not getting worst as my surgeon advised me the last check up but a complication blocked my way.the mass that was removed is a big one and that's the reason why i am having complications now.in line with that i have to take again the same medication and probably next week or the week after,considering that the wound will be completely healed,i have to spend a day again in the operation room.visiting that hospital has been habitual now for me and the surgeon who seemed to be a stranger turned out to be someone i never expected him to be.truly,strangers are family you have to get to know.anyway,going back to that medical condition,worse comes to worst i am pretty sure i'll get through.

adding up to this will the fact that somehow,things are getting far better now between me and some people.quite uncertain but as far as myself is concerned,i know i am on the process of getting over it.i sure will,and so they are.come on,that's part of life and it's quite inevitable.we'll all meet at the end.

following that will be one sickness that i want to be cured or wait until my death becomes imminent because of that.perhaps yes,perhaps no.
-admittedly,this sickness is something that i have learned to live with and completely removing that from my system is one option i am thinking over the last few days.i am still waiting though,however i am afraid that it's all i ever do.honestly,it's hard to be the one who is always waiting.i am frustrated that i am hanging on for nothing but false hopes.i am backing away every time someone gets closer to me because of him.some of the people i know advised me that i don't have to do it but that doesn't stop me either.in spite of the pains,i opted to stay that way.maybe in a little while or much longer.you know what keeps me holding on?I AM HAPPY WITH IT.i revel with it.and when i realize that,negative thoughts and feelings automatically fade away.my thoughts start drifting to happier times and happier places.that sounds stupid for some of you,but sounds reasonable and fair enough for those who understand and those who know what love is all about,SELFLESS.it's been three years and still uncertain how long will it take.maybe until my last breath drops.i remember what Ricky Lee said in one of his works,there are times that we get married not with the one we TRULY love but the one that we SHOULD love.that's what he calls great love and correct love respectively.if fortunately that doesn't apply to you,well,lucky you,i guess.i still believe that good things happen to good people,anyway.

three sickness and one process needed:recuperate.

i am recuperating.glad that i am.

nothing lasts forever.

time flies when you are having a good time.yeah,hear,hear for that.my one week leave of absence is finally over.I'm getting back to work tonight after a week of not being around.whew.I'm back to my routine.

so let me assess that leave.

first five days were spent at the hospital.had the final check up before the operation,some lab tests were performed and the schedule was confirmed.for those who are aware of my day,you perfectly read it right,i have spent that at the hospital as well.gladly,not the whole day,just half of it.anyway,main reason why i filed that leave will be because of the operation,so be it.


certified hard headed.i was strictly advised to get rest the night before but i am completely bored.after dropping by at the hospital,mom and i headed to mega.haha!i wouldn't let that five day LOA (leave of absence) passed without me enjoying it.we strolled along and had a dinner right after.then the night is finally over.



in between the busy schedule I've got to read a book i have borrowed from my officemate.Sidney Shelton's.the books were great and i blissfully spent completely two days reading that.the moment i was done,i asked my brother to buy me Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom,same person who authored Five People You Meet in Heaven.Worth-reading-books,i must say.It took me nearly one day to finish reading that.Awesome,it almost made me cry.I've learned a lot from that book.It was really and extraordinary contribution to the literature of death.

Some of the aphorisms that Morrie stated there are:

1.) Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do.
-I just applied to a position I have been thinking months before.I was hoping and at some point expecting that I'll make it but also,I had a deal made with Him.I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't able to make it,but recalling the deal,i am just thinking that it was not really for me.I'll have my time,sure thing.Why fret?

2.) Why are we embarrassed by silence?What comfort do we get in all that noise?
- This left me thinking.Funny, but silence makes us usually feel awkward,right?Amazingly,the only time that it doesn't feel such will be the time that you are with someone whom you feel perfect comfort with.No words needed,the presence of that person is more than enough.You'll get to know when you are in that situation.

3.) Don't cling to things because everything is impermanent.
- Everyone gets scared of changes.But life is not as stable as we expected it to be.Loved ones come and go.It's not quite as long as we have expected or hoped for.Life constantly undergoes changes.It's inevitable.

4.) Detach from emotion.
- A lot of us are emotional.I am.It isn't bad.All we have to do is know what's happening,accept it and let go.We might not let go that soon but it will be helpful not to hang on too long.That's futile and not healthy,we all know that.

5.) Love each other or perish.
- Did we all get the meaning of that?Love is the most wonderful thing that was given to us.Love is everything.It is the only rational thing on earth.We do everything with love as the main reason.Once love is gone,everything follows.

*I have spent my leave as meaningful as i could do it and it turned out as i expected it to be.A lot of unwanted events had happened in between those days but i made sure that I have done things that had compensated those more than what i have anticipated.it just ended just like any other beginnings in our life.truly,nothing gets to last forever,nothing.

coping.

right.the most difficult part is over.

just as strictly advised,mom and i arrived at the hospital earlier than the scheduled time.no intake for the last 11 hours.i was assisted by a volunteer from CEU named "Stella."i was asked to get undressed and put the hospital gown.it was awkward because as i was changing clothes she was there.i didn't hesitate to ask her turn her back from me and she willingly did.at the later time we headed to the operating room and my heart was really pounding.the exchange of jokes made that time a little comfortable,i must say.i followed as she and the senior staffs commanded.i was an out-patient and i was ONLY oriented that i will be under sedatives and they just had to put on oxygen during the procedure.before i knew it, Stella was already injecting something on my left hand,a dextrose.that was painful.

it was around 9:20 when my surgeon and the anesthesiologist entered the room.i was pounding more but i tried to relax.i watched as Dra. Vinola, the anesthesiologist injected the sedative thru the dextrose.it took not more than a minute for me to fell asleep.cool.not long after i was awakened by Stella asking how i was feeling.i was in the recovery room.i felt pain on my left hand,the dextrose was still painful.i immediately look at my body.shoot!thank God the operation was over.

according to the staffs,the operation lasted from 9:30 to 10:20.they handed me the picture of the tumor taken by my mom as Dr. Marcial,the Cancer Surgeon showed it to her right after the operation.That was a wide excision biopsy performed and i completely didn't know what happened during the entire procedure.it felt good to be under sedatives,i tell you.

i'll have the follow up check up come next friday.the stiches will be removed and we'll get to know if the tumor is cancerous or not.


i am coping.it's been two days now after the operation.i am irritated with the bandage and sacrificing a little pain from it.anyhow,i'll get back to work this Monday.i have to get back.

one by one i'll get over this,thank God.

terrifying.

"I'll see you at 7:30,friday morning.you can have your dinner around six the evening prior to that then no intake eight hours before the operation,clear?"

endless nightmare is just about to end.this has to be done,i must face it.i am pretty aware that it won't get over until it's over.

I must be at the hospital tomorrow earlier than the scheduled time.offhand, aside from the fact that i should no take anything eight hours before.I will be under sedatives but i fear awakening amidst the procedure.ignorance is rolling over me.you can't blame me,i have never been admitted for the last 22 years.i am clueless.surgeon just added that it will take completely one hour to have the tumor completely taken out.a week after we will know if it's positive or hopefully,negative margin.

i'll get back to you.it will be painful,i know.